The phone told me that my lord had finally decided to visit me after a long day’s work.
So, while the denizens of Mediapore had decided to celebrate the return of King Rama with lights and firecrackers in the usual pomp and splendour, I decided to celebrate it differently.
I dressed myself in the finest jewellery, as befits the queen of the home and the owner of my lord’s heart. The cooks were commanded to prepare the most exotic dishes and Matsya, my maid, counselor and friend, prepared the table for a quite candle lit dinner by the poolside under a full moon night. And then I waited for what seemed to be an eternal wait.
Finally, I heard the quite yet confident footfalls of my lord. Was there a little incongruity in the sound of the footfall? I chided myself for creating mountains out of molehills and, as a matter of habit, adjusted my heavy sari. I looked up coyly, only to see a frown on my lord’s face. It was not the classical frown of irritation, but a frown tinged with frustration and insecurity.
At least, that explained the sound of the footfall, I told myself. Determined not to ruin the evening, I asked, “What worries my noble Lord?”
“O beloved, I was walking incognito in the Purana Quila area for the mandatory consumer observations I have to do. And I heard this beggar woman demanding of her man to define what he does for a living.”
“Just a family squabble, O Lord”
“Then pray help me answer what has been vexing me all evening. What do I do for a living?”
My woman’s intuition told me that this was the beginning of the end of a wonderful and romantic starlit evening, and all that followed!
Long years of experience had taught me that this was one of ‘those’ questions. For me, like most womankind, this question had an answer that was staring at your face and begging to be answered. However for my lord, like most mankind, it would require a gargantuan effort in several, maze like directions to arrive at a solution for this one.
Being known to be a solution seeker who does not give up easily, I decided to put a short and snappy end to this.
“Tell me, what title has the king bestowed you with?” I asked in a half irritable, half reprimanding tone.
“Planning services” replied my lord in an absent way that suggested to me that he had not paid any heed to my tone and was still pre-occupied with the problem.
Deciding that subliminal cues and half measures will not cure this rampant cancer, I became more aggressive and stated with an air of finality, “So, you plan for a living!”
This snapped my lord and he replied, “The problem with you women is that you treat life as black or white, while actually there are only several shades of gray. Do you know that there is brand planning, media planning, account planning, new business planning, consumer planning and only God knows how many other kinds of planning?”
I retorted, “Then, your benevolent king has given you the wrong title!” To this, my lord shook his head from side to side and looked skywards for divine intervention.
And at this precise moment, Matsya walked in with a pronounced sway to her hips (wonder why she does this only in front of my lord) and announced that the dinner was ready. At the end of my tether, I beckoned her to go away and leave us alone. I turned to my lord and asked, “Then, what kind of planning do you do?”
A prolonged silence indicated to me that this question did not have any straightforward answers. I decided to re-phrase my question, “Do you do consumer planning?”
“And account planning, and brand planning and new business planning. In fact, the only planning I do not do is media planning.” After a contemplative pause, my lord continued, “I also do face planning, when I have to be in court just because the king wants to see my face!”
I decided to contribute by saying, “I think the crux of the problem is in the definition of planning. If you can define it right, all your problems will be solved.”
The lord looked at me with admiration, re-appraising me on my intellectual worth and said, “That is the correct definition of the problem. But alas, my dear lady, that is not the solution.”
So, when the world outside was queuing up to watch King Rama and his consort take the presidential ride across the city, I gave a quite sigh of relief on the progress and asked, “A basic question. Why does the king need you?”
“He needs me to talk the talk. And before you ask any half-brained question, let me explain that. He wants to talk the language of the common people, communicate messages that they understand, and make him appealing to them”
“And in this case, he is the brand.” I clarified in an apologetic tone.
“Yes, and he needs me because he is far removed from his people. He does not understand his kinfolk as well as I do. Ironic, isn’t it?”
I demanded, “Does this not mean that you need not know as much about the king as much as his people?”
“Theoretically, yes. Practically, no. Because if my job is to get the king to meet the people by getting him to talk the language of the people, then I need to know both the sides.”
I remarked contemptuously “Are you telling me that without you, the king would be king and the people would be people and the twain would never meet?”
My lord noticed the contempt and remarked jokingly, “You have no clue as to how important I am in the King’s scheme of things” And I may be wrong, but I did notice a distinct swelling of his chest too!
I summed up the conversation, “In short, you are responsible for the communication between the king and the people in the language of the people”
My lord confused issues all over again by saying, “That is precisely another definition of the problem. Am I responsible for the king, the people, or the communication between them?”
The crackers were making a din. The drums started beating and the conches were sounded. The king was in the neighbourhood. My lord remarked, “Ah, the ills of the world can be discussed ad infinitum. Let us first enjoy Matsya’s Cheese Bolognese.”
I took umbrage to the remark and replied in a hurt manner, “I prepared the meals today” And my lord nodded sagely. Or was it teasingly?
Once again, I began looking forward to the night. At least I am clear on what I do for a living!
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